When shopping for a calendar turned into an extended exercise in yikes, I decided to share. If you really think about wall calendars, they’re all a little strange–flowers, pets, farm animals, sports teams, scenic views, children dressed like adults–but these are each in one way or another, a new level of terrible. I give you, the worst calendars of 2013.
The rules: No Cafe Press weirdness (examples: this or this). Too easy. You could fill up a top fifty list in 5 minutes on there. Calendars must be offered on websites which feature mostly mainstream products normal people could conceivably want.
The Worst of the Worst
5. Butter my Butt. Full title: Butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Classin’ up the joint, I see. Well, I’ll be.
4. Underwater Dogs. What. the. fuck. This gives me the shivers, but people love this calendar: 58 positive customer reviews.
3. The Peeps Show. Something the quirky-hot-girl in a romantic comedy would come up with. Listen, honey, you’re not that charming. Just stop.
2. Thomas Kinkade: The Disney Dreams Collection. Appalling. There is so much sentimental bullshit crammed into this, its hard to know what to say.
Breastfeeding Mamas. Okay, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for breast feeding, empowered moms, cute babies, and going topless. I’m just saying: wouldn’t this look great on my desk at work?
One Direction. Its like there was a most-unintentionally-homoerotic photo contest.
Ma’s Dolls. Six haphazard snapshots of super creepy mice dolls. Alright.