Cover image for Shiver by Maggie StiefvaterShiver, by Maggie Stiefvater is a truly horrendously bad teen paranormal romance. As child, Grace was attacked by the wolves who live in the woods behind her house, but saved just in time by a yellow-eyed wolf. Even years later Grace watches for the yellow-eyed wolf, and it seems that he is watching her, too. But after a local boy is attacked the town turns against their local wolf pack. Anxious for her wolves, Grace interrupts an impromptu hunt on her way home from school and unexpectedly runs into an injured naked guy. When she looks into his yellow eyes, she’s sure he’s her wolf.

Grace and her wolf, Sam, fall instantly and easily in love. Trouble is, these werewolves aren’t subject to the moon; they’re human in summer, animal in winter. And, eventually, they just stay wolves. Equally troubling, the boy everyone thought was dead has actually become a werewolf, and his reckless behavior is threatening to expose them all.

Among the most amusing atrocities in this terrible book are: (1) Sam’s completely awful teenage poetry sprinkled indiscriminately throughout, (2) The absolutely unapologetic sickeningly sentimental relationship between the lovers, and (3) the fact that no one in this small town seems to have noticed the huge group of dudes who all spend the summer together in a giant house right outside town (as someone who grew up in a town about this size, can I just say, this is not the kind of thing that would go unremarked).

Cover image for Linger by Maggie StiefvaterYes, I read the sequel. I know, I know. Someone told me it was better. She told me that after reading Shiver she thought “eh” but then read Linger and couldn’t wait for more.

This installment does include the excellent addition of Cole, an underage man-whore rock star werewolf with a substance problem and a dark past. It’s hard to go wrong with that. Sam’s poetry is if possible even worse, mostly because now he sings it (will he and Cole form a band in #3? one can only hope…) Also, in case the melodrama quotient wasn’t sufficient before, Grace may or may not be dying.

Cover image for Water Witch by Cynthia Felice and Connie WillisThis 1982 classic from Connie Willis and Cynthia Felice tells the story of Deza, the titular Water Witch , depicted in the somewhat terrifying cover illustration. Anastasia like, Deza impersonates a missing princess as part of a con, then realizes that she may actually be a princess after all. Good thing she’s already sleeping with the prince.

Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen

Illustrations from Northanger AbbeyThough obviously distracted by the ongoing tax debate (which seems to have become inexplicably focused on the estate tax, rather than the >$250k break point, but whatever) I did manage to finish a novel this weekend: Northanger Abbey, the lost Austen.

Begun in 1798 and finished in 1803, Northanger was one if the first novels Austen completed, as well as her first sale, though it did not appear in print until after her death. She had already written Lady Susan and had started both Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice, however. It was a particularly unhappy and tumultuous period in the novelists’ life, encompassing her father’s retirement and the family’s subsequent move to Bath, a city she loathed, as well as her over night engagement to Harris Bigg-Wither.

The novel follows 17-year-old Ann Radcliffe enthusiast Catherine Morland on a visit to Bath. Under the guardianship of complacent childless family friends, Catherine visits the pump room and attends public balls, making new acquaintances. She quickly meets and befriends the lovely but manipulative Isabella Thorpe, and it emerges that the two girls older brothers also know each other at Oxford. When the young men pay a visit to Bath a dual brother-sister match seems eminent, or at last intended. Catherine, however, dislikes Mr Thorpe and remains blissfully unaware of his blundering attempts at courtship. She’s much too interested in Mr. Henry Tilney, a clever and handsome young clergyman. Just Catherine’s visit draws to close, she is invited by Henry’s sister to visit the Tilney family at their home, (you guessed it) Northanger Abbey.

Northanger is perhaps the least sympathetic of all Jane Austen’s satires. Though frequently both critical and comedic, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Mansfield Park, and Persuasion, all have the benefit of a compelling heroine and at least one honest romance. Catherine, on the other hand, is in many ways a foil–a nice girl, honest and not too bright, but with a healthy imagination where melodrama is concerned. She is Harriet Smith, with a better family and a stronger character. Her romance with Henry Tilney also lacks the weight of the relationships in Austen’s other novels–it’s funny and frequently charming, but, like Catherine herself, not too deep.

The real pleasure of the book comes from Austen’s language, her frequent tangential diatribes on the nature and import of novels, and her many hilarious digs at Ann Radcliffe–who as far as Austen is concerned, seems to have been the Stephenie Meyer of her day (only pro-woman, a better writer, and a different kind of crazy). Indeed, though the older author clearly influenced Austen’s work, Radcliffe jokes were something she could never quite give up–witness the roll The Romance of the Forrest plays in the breech between Harriet and Robert Martin in Emma.